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Two Cows…Take Your Pick

You have two cows is the beginning phrase of an old political joke series.

My friend Nik sent me an updates and hilarious version. Here it is:

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity
swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,
with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut…

  • http://vs-trader.blogspot.com/ vs_trader

    good one!

  • tjc

    An Irish Corporation:
    You have two cows.
    You wake up the next day and forget where they came from.
    Severe hangover.

    A Japanesse Corporation:
    You have two cows.
    You make a lot of Kobe beef.
    You sell the Kobe beef for really high prices.
    You save the money forever.

    An English Corporation:
    You have two cows.
    You sell the cows to pay the London Congestion Charge.

    • http://www.howardlindzon.com howardlindzon

      ha

  • http://twitter.com/cperruna Chris Perruna

    British Corporation 2013: You have two Cows. Both of them are horses.

    • http://www.howardlindzon.com howardlindzon

      In Califonria…I have two cows…I tax the first cow so much the other one leaves and the first cow goes to jail for tax evasion.

  • http://engag.io/ William Mougayar

    Brilliant. Canada managed to stay out of this?

    Canada:
    You have 2 cows
    Nobody knows about it.
    One day, you take them to the US.
    They become famous & the footnote says they’re Canadians.

    • http://www.pointsandfigures.com pointsnfigures

      a la Pamela Anderson!

      • http://engag.io/ William Mougayar

        LOL. At the opposite end of the cupcake story :)

    • Padlots

      Just made one for Canada :)

    • http://www.howardlindzon.com howardlindzon

      hilarious

  • Jeppe12323
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  • Paul Flores

    Green Energy Corporation
    You have no cows.
    You promise people that watering the grass will produce environmentally safe milk, with no nasty bi-products.
    When you have killed the grass by over watering, you move to another field, and promise people that THIS time it will DEFINITLY work.

  • Padlots

    In Canada. You have 13 cows. One of them wants to be french and forces all the other to claim they are 50% french, then takes money from the biggest english cow and uses it to make sure all cows know he’s french while trying to separate from the group.

    • http://wmougayar.com/ William Mougayar

      Ah la vache…merde alors!

  • http://www.facebook.com/albanidis.x.kostas Albanidis X. Kostas

    I know that this was meant to be …funny but the Greek part is harsh, not funny at all, and plays a very bad and disgusting joke on millions of hard working people! The Greek economic status is made possible *only* from the bad economic management and the endless theft of public money from politicians 30 years now. If you take a closer look at what happening right now in Greece you will notice how the big names of yesterdays politics go one after another in jail for huge ( billions! ) amounts of theft.
    Please reconsider the …so called joke, especially the last line for Greece:

    “You are out getting a haircut…”

    I am out seeing my salary sink to depths of 40-50% minus.

    I am out doing 2 and 3 jobs to support my family because now they have to cut the 32 euro ( 40 USD ) I was taking as family bonus and my second kid is considered to be a presumption of wealth, so now with my salary cut down 40% I must pay 20% more taxes…

    Please take the time and search first a bit before you go out playing jokes with the pain of millions because a handful of politicians was stealing billions and billions…

    Thank you for your precious time.
    A …
    { I never ate any of the cows
    They throw me now the cow’s bones
    And I have to survive with no milk }
    …Greek teacher!

    Almpanidis Kostantinos

  • cowherder
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