Open Letter to Twitter, Jaiku, Pownce, Poop, Shmenge, Loogie...Here's What I Want

Last week as Steve William’s (Tiger’s Caddy) filled in the media AFTER the an amazing US Open, I Twittered that I would have loved to have gotten that information while I watched it and not listen to Johnny Miller talk about Tiger’s knee for the 12th straight hour (Johnny Miller needs to go sit with Bill walton at this point and screw each other, not us, but I digress).

What harm would it be for him to hand Tiger his club and Twitter the following:

‘I just made Tiger hit a 60 degree wedge into 18 needing a birdie…my job is on the line, but he will stick it’

Firstly, it’s exactly what he was thinking, second, it does not change history and third, is not a distraction for Tiger.

Twitter (or Jaiku or Pownce or Loogie) pays 5 million a year to Steve, Tiger, or a charity of their choice, Steve wears a Twitter hat and we stop having to watch Tiger drive a freaking Buick that broke down on the way to the tournament almost forcing him to miss his tee-off.

None of these f@$#$#^%ing start-ups understand basic marketing and promotion. It’s all about being cheap and viral. Whatever. How about just piling on once you have an edge and distancing yourself as a consumer brand leader in a category. How about a marketing plan once you raise $10 million or get bought by Google (Jaiku).

I love using Twitter, but it’s a tool for Yutz’s like Calcanis and Scoble to promote themselves. I understand that in month 2, not year 2.

Oh and for the services to work when I want them too :) .

PS – Loogie (as in ‘Huck a’) and Shmenge are made up competitor names, are better than Jaiku and Pownce.