Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Stockbroker

From the great David Letterman

Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Stockbroker (via David Letterman)

10. When stocks go up, his pants go down

9. He’s unavailable whenever “General Hospital” is on

8. Invested your entire portfolio in JetBlue

7. Instead of Wall Street, he works at Wal-Mart

6. He shaves his head and goes into rehab

5. Hot stock tips, no — nude photos of Alan Greenspan, yes

4. Keeps using the word Ga-zillion

3. No number 3 — writer depressed after losing everything in stock market

2. A few years back told Martha, “Sure it’s legal”

1. Claims he once had a three-way with Morgan Stanley and Merrill Lynch